


Cerulean

by Kairin16



Category: X-Men: First Class (2011) - Fandom
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - No Powers, Casual cruelty, Drowning, Infidelity, M/M, Well almost, idek
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-31
Updated: 2013-01-31
Packaged: 2017-11-27 17:39:14
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 3,738
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/664653
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kairin16/pseuds/Kairin16
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It was supposed to be their anniversary gift. It got changed into something that was going to rescue their desperately falling apart marriage.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Drifting

**Author's Note:**

> This is something I've been working on for a while, a series of drabbles written in different styles and POVs connecting to each other and creating a verse. It was actually supposed to be longer, but I decided to leave it at here as I have no heart to it anymore. I guess it's up to a reader how it really ends after this.

The sea is cerulean abyss, stretching around the ship. There’s no land in any direction for miles and that’s exactly how they like it. Today, the sea is calm, its waves lapping gently at the hull of the vessel, sun reflecting lazily in orange hues on its surface. The sounds of waves and wind pushing on the sails is soothing and Charles finds himself leaning on the side, the deck empty at this time in the morning save Logan and him, and just breathing.

The eerie calm relaxes him, makes the tightness seep from his shoulders. Maybe Raven was right in suggesting it to them. Vacation time isn’t something neither he nor Erik does often, but it’s nice. Especially now, so very early in the morning, the sun just rising, and the crew stirring in their cabins, the entire ship almost asleep. It’s almost enough to let him forget why did he get out to the deck in the first place. Almost, but not quite.

It doesn’t matter anyway. The ship isn’t big, but he’s sure him and his husband will be able to avoid each other for the next few days without problem. They did it before in a much smaller house. Charles runs a hand through his hair and leans harder on a rail, looking down at the white foam created at the place when the ship meets water. This was supposed to help them. No responsibilities, no work, no families to encourage break-up. Just them, wide Atlantic and calm. It was supposed to fix everything.

But life is no romance comedy, he supposes, problems aren’t fixed with easy solutions. The only answer to the problem would be to try and repair their relationship together in old fashioned way. By talking. Pity that neither of them is ready or willing to do so. There’s too many secrets, too much bitterness and disappointment. Maybe they shouldn’t have even tried.

Charles rubs his thumb over a silver wedding band and thinks. There is no doubt in his mind that he loves Erik still. But maybe it’s just something he assumes, because he’s accustomed to thinking that. No, that’s not true. He sighs and hangs his head. Erik’s not talking to him again, but this time he knows he’s the one at fault. He provoked his husband, pushed him trying to see how much will it take for him to break. And he found out. Again. There is something deeply wrong with him.

The older man was still sleeping when Charles left the cabin, his dirty blond hair shining around his head, the light from the little window falling straight on it. Ironically, it looked angelic, something he wouldn’t attribute to his hot-tempered husband normally. They both fell rather on the end of the spectrum. Fell rather painfully.

He wonders if there is anything salvageable at all. He doesn’t think he wants to know the answer.

It’s almost a breakfast time when he fills strong arms hugging him from behind and someone’s face appears in his peripheral vision. Erik feels thinner than Charles remembers, he must have lost weight. When? He didn’t notice any change before now. He leans back and turns his head enough to kiss the lightly stubbled cheek.

“I’m sorry.” Erik whispers into the shirt covering his shoulder and tightens his arms for a moment. Charles sighs, thinking bitterly of how often the same scenario happens. He shrugs Erik off him and turns into direction of the canteen.

“Don’t mention it.” He says, surprised at how cool his voice is. He glances back only once, finding Erik just as he left him, trailing calloused fingertips over the smooth wood of the rail. He looks almost sad. If his husband was capable of such complicated emotion that is. Charles turns and goes to breakfast.


	2. The vision of a sleeping man

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I forgot to mention, this is very much unbetaed so if you wanted to point out any mistakes, feel free to.

I run my hands over his pale skin and once again I found myself awed by how beautiful he is. Encased in the light of the moonlight he looks almost eerie, like a fairy King escaped from his tale. He’s sleeping, his chest rising in slow, calm breaths, moving my hand with it. I can feel his heartbeat and I can’t help the bitter thought, that it’s the reason he still has one, to wander in into this holy peace. He was always beautiful, but lately this beauty has become just a façade for a cruel mind, one that doesn’t hesitate to strike me when it hurts the most again and again and again.

I wonder sometimes why am I even trying anymore. When he propositioned this cruise for saving our marriage, I was elated. It was a proof that he still cares, still wants to salvage this relationship of ours. I couldn’t have been more wrong. It doesn’t help in anything, but only forces us to spend more time together and gives a chance for him to hit more often than he would have a chance to otherwise. The only moment of relative peace is at night, like right now.

His crimson lips are half open, letting his breath escape in warm puffs and I long for the time when I was free to bend and cover them with my own, stealing a light kiss. He could have woken, or he could have not, but either way, these lips would stretch into a smile and I couldn’t help but fall more for him with every other one of them. There are no more kisses now, and no more smiles. Only scowls and scathing remarks, often said in the presence of strangers. I start to realize that I don’t know that man that’s lying next to me right now. I wonder if I’ve ever have.

I can remember vividly the better days. He used to laugh and blush and love, as if he was made just for these things. When we made love, it was as if the Aphrodite herself blessed our union. I loved the little moments, when he gave me a little kiss for bringing him tea during his office time, walks together from university to our modest home, his massages when he caught me working on one of my projects for too long. It’s all gone now. What replaced it are bitter accusations and scornful comments, reproachful glares and lips twisted in a mockery of his beautiful smile.

I miss my love, my husband, my Charles. I fear I will not get him back again and the sole thought makes me go cold all over. I don’t want us to end this way, in anger and hate. I don’t want us to end at all.

I don’t know what to do anymore. I tried talking; I tried gestures, gifts, anything that I could think of. It’s hard to fix something when you don’t know why it’s broken in the first place. I don’t actually remember when our marriage started to deteriorate. I just remember noticing one afternoon how cold lately my Charles has gone, how distant. I don’t know why. I fear I might never find out anymore.

The only thing that’s left for me is to hope that somehow it will not end in what scares me most. That somehow Charles will start missing what I miss and try to fix it, like I’m doing now. I don’t know if that hope has any basis in reality, but I cannot let go of it. It’s the only thing I have anymore.


	3. Touch me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Includes my attempt at porn between Charles and Logan

Charles moans again as he pulls Logan’s strong body atop of him, the Captain covering him wholly, his bulk a pleasurable weight pining Charles to the mattress beneath him. It was a long time since he was anywhere near wanting to sleep with someone, but Logan was different. He makes Charles’ blood boil just by thinking about him, strong with broad shoulders, biter. Charles really likes to be bit. He tips his head back, giving the man more place to leave marks on his neck and his shoulders, their clothes long gone by now.

He can feel the man’s erection digging into the inside of his thigh and he whimpers, following it with wanton whimper and rocking of his hips. He slides his hands down Logan’s back, mapping every muscle with his fingers and takes a firm hold on the man’s ass, it’s globes firm and round under his palms. Almost like- But no, these thought do not belong to that particular moment.

Logan tips his head back down and crashes their mouths together and Charles can’t help the moan the escapes him, opening his lips and kissing back as passionately as he can. The first touch on his asshole is electrifying and he moans again, and again when the man above him takes his fingers away teasingly. He’s not above begging by this point and he would if he knew it was welcome. But the rule was simple. No words. Charles can get behind that if it mean he’ll finally get laid.

There are fingers breaching him now, first one, and then two. They’re slick with lube, but it’s still a tight fit and they both groan with realization how good it’s going to be. It was a long time for Charles, longer than he realizes if he’s tight like this again. It doesn’t matter, he repeats to himself crossing his ankles behind Logan’s back and rocking back onto his fingers, nothing matter but now. It feels good, better than he remembers it ever feeling and he doesn’t know if it’s just him being inaccurate in his memories or if it’s really better.

It really stops mattering when Logan crooks his fingers and starts explode behind Charles’ eyes, making him bow his head and moan almost obscenely. The man above him groans and pushes third finger inside him and he would argue it’s not necessary if he didn’t feel that it is. He wouldn’t be able to fit Logan’s cock without proper preparations, even if he really, really wants the man to be inside him now. He rocks his hips back and clenches around his fingers, making Logan groan again and he would almost count that as his victory if it wasn’t for teeth sliding into his neck, right over his pulse point and making him keen, high-pitched and wanton.

They don’t tease each other anymore after that, fingers disappearing and instead thick cock pushing slowly into him, big hands clutching like vices over his hips, making him gasp, unable to rock back or away. Logan bottoms out and Charles can’t help but clench around him with a moan, so full and stretched, feeling completely new. When the man starts rocking his hips rhythmically, faster the closer they both get to the finish, there is nothing in Charles’ mind but here and now and pleasure and Logan’s arm holding him tight and secure.

But it can’t last forever and they both come messily, leaving smears of come on the sheets, panting into each other mouth, lips still bruised from the last hard kiss. Logan pulls out and away and they clean each other up, exchanging lazy kisses and soft caresses and Charles could almost lost himself in that, never wanting to leave the room, if it wasn’t for the reminded, silver glinting in the sunlight on his ring finger. They say their goodbyes at the door, Logan pulling him into one more forceful kiss that leaves Charles’ lips tingling with the ghost sensation right back to his own cabin.

Erik is sitting at the small table, reading one book or another and Charles can feel his smile sleeping, unhappy grimace appearing in its place. He’d much rather not come back from Logan’s room, but it wouldn’t do any good to create rumours that might damage good Captain’s reputation. But he still feels something cold and ugly stirring in his stomach when Erik looks up, smiling at his sight, as if he’s genuinely glad to see Charles coming back. He ignores the older man, turning away and going to the bathroom to take a shower.

He’ll get rid of the delicious aroma of another warm body, but it can’t be helped, he’d be very uncomfortable sleeping all sweaty and covered in come he couldn’t clean up with a washcloth. He takes his time, letting the water relax his muscles and massaging his scalp lazily while washing his hair. There was a time when he didn’t have to do it himself, but it’s long gone and he starts to realize recently that he doesn’t want to come back to that time. He think he’s happier now, freer, and it’s almost elating to realize that he’s really the only person whose happiness he wants to take into accord now. He can pamper himself as much as he wants. Raven was right, he should have realized that long time ago.

He comes out in a bathrobe and lays lazily on the bed, reaching for his own book. He’s not terribly interested in a story, but there’s not much to do on the deck anymore and he can’t go back to Logan so quickly after leaving or people might get suspicious. The bed dips under the weight of another body and Charles tenses against an urge to get up just to spite his husband. He’s not moving anywhere, he was there first.

“Charles,” Erik start softly, unsure like Charles’ never heard him before and it alone is enough to bring a frown onto his face. But then the older man slides closer and he must have noticed one of, or just all of the marks Logan left as evidence of what they’ve done, the one on Charles’ neck, still vivid red, teethmarks clearly visible, because he goes impossibly still and then leans back stiffly as if with great effort.

Charles turns back, lips curling into a smirk and another scathing remark ready, only when he feels Erik stands up. Expression on his husband’s face stops him in his tracks however, freezing him, unable to do anything but stare. Erik looks wrecked, resigned and broken, and it seems he almost says something, but doesn’t, instead making a small sad sound and leaving the cabin. Air leaves Charles’ lungs as if he’s been punched and he doesn’t know why. He doesn’t care about Erik anymore, he doesn’t. And yet he feels now like the last asshole, one who just took his husbands heart and stomped on it hard enough to shatter it to pieces.


	4. Don't let go

It’s enough. Erik knew before that there was little he could do to patch things up with Charles, to get his husband back somehow, but now he knows there’s nothing he can possibly do. Not anymore. Charles has chosen to not even try, his affair the subject of rumours over the whole ship, everyone pointing Erik out and sniggering behind their hands. He couldn’t care less about what they think of me, but it hurts that Charles would chose to just give up on their marriage despite Erik’s numerous ways of reaching out to him.

It doesn’t seem to matter anymore what Erik feels or thinks about their situation, Charles has chosen his path now. And it’s one that doesn’t involve his husband, soon to be ex-husbands probably. And doesn’t it hurt, thinking like that. He hoped that this cruise would give them a chance to fix everything, that this was what they needed, a trip away from the meddling family and friends. He still remembers the smirk Raven shot him when they were saying goodbyes at the pier and he wonders if she already knew then that nothing he did would save his marriage anymore.

Months ago he considered her one of his best friends, she was the one to introduce him to Charles after all, even if she didn’t expect them to fall in love and marry. But this was long past. He can still remember how her body pushed him into the wall, her lips slotted stubbornly over his, not giving him any space to pull away. She leant back with a brilliant smile as if she expected him to thank her or kiss her again or any of the other impossible things. He could just stand there, looking at her in shock and restrain himself from just pushing her away as far from himself as possible. Charles would hate him from hurting his sister like that.

They didn’t speak about it again, but she pulled away, became cold and distant. Lots of things seemed to take a new light in the realization that she had a crush on him. Even his first meeting with Charles, at her Birthday party that she insisted so vehemently he’d come to. He never understood why she cared so much if he showed up on any of her social gatherings, but after that day he stopped caring, readily accepting invitations, if only in hopes he would get to talk to her brother again. But she didn’t invite him for Charles, she invited him for herself.

Maybe he should have told Charles about that kiss, not hiding it from him. But he didn’t want to be the one to create the gap between the siblings, when he knew they were all each other have for years now. Raven was Charles’ favourite person in the whole world and Erik would do anything to not stain Charles’ image of her somehow.

Not long after the arguments started, Charles looking for the smallest excuse to interrogate him about things that baffled Erik to this day. Where he was, with whom, why did he came back so late. The fights that followed were about nothing, his pens cluttering the desk instead of being put away, too long time that he spent reading in bed every night, the clumsy way he put his coat away after getting back from work. Things that he would never think about in the light of being anything more than slightly irritating suddenly became unforgivable with his husband.

He learnt to walk on eggshells in his own home, trying so hard to avoid anything that would rise his husband’s ire, without success. It was apparently worse when there was nothing to focus Charles’ anger on, as if there was some big secret Erik tried to hide from him. As if he could ever hide anything from the man.

He sighs and slumps over the railing, too tired to even pretend he isn’t, twirling his wedding ring around his finger. He supposes that soon he would have to say goodbye to it. After all, why would he wear it when he didn’t have a husband anymore. Charles probably already has divorce paper drawn and waiting for them on the shore. Two days more and their marriage will be over. After all the things that happened it shouldn’t hurt him so much, the thought of losing the man.

And there was nothing he could do anymore to even try and win Charles back. He had two months already and he failed. When he was buying the cruise almost a year ago now, he thought about it as their second honeymoon, something just for them. He didn’t expected for it to be their last chance at fixing their marriage. Or that they wouldn’t manage to do that.

Suddenly someone bumps into him from behind and the gold band slips from between his fingers. He watches in horror, his breath bated as it falls down and disappears between the waves. He can’t lose it, not that last proof that there was something between him and Charles once upon a time. Before he knows what he’s doing, he has his shirt off and he’s jumping over the rail, someone’s panicked voice following him from surface.

The water is colder than he expected it to be, but it’s not unmanageable. The current from the ship is almost too strong to swim in and his eyes stink from the salt water, but he’s not going up without finding the ring. He sees the glint of gold somewhere under him few meters away from the place where he is and he dives, fighting the current with all he has.

It’s almost too much and his lungs burn for oxygen after not very long. Swimming was never his forte, but he’ll be damned if he would leave the water even for a minute. He’s sure that if he loses the ring from his sight even for a minute, he’s not going to find it again.

Black spots start dancing at the corners of his eyes, but he’s so close he can almost feel the metal under his fingers. He hears a splash somewhere behind him, but it doesn’t matter because he’s closing his fist around his ring finally, the comfort of it making him want to weep. It’s only then that he realizes he has no strength left to pull himself up and to the surface.

Oh well, at least he’s not going to have to sign the divorce papers. He can vaguely feel arms closing around him and someone pulling him up, but he can’t tell for sure. The water is getting brighter and before he knows it he’s out.


	5. End

Waiting at the bedside in the ship’s infirmary might just have been the worst experience in Charles’ life to date. He thought he knew he didn’t love Erik anymore, but when the news came that his husbands almost drowned, it felt like his hurt stopped in his chest. He couldn’t even bring himself to care about their previous disagreements in the face of this. How could he stay mad at Erik when he was lying lifelessly at the sterile cot, hooked up to an oxygen machine just because he jumped into the ocean after his wedding ring. As if the thing had any value whatsoever anymore.

It was just a stupid piece of metal.

And why was he sitting here like a fool anyway? He doesn’t care about Erik anymore, the bastard cheated on him with his own sister. That’s not something that can be easily forgiven just because the guy is more sentimental that is good for him. Little voice inside his head was stubbornly telling Charles that he already got back at Erik by sleeping with the captain of the ship that was supposed to be a cure to their marriage problems, but he shut it up fairly quickly. Erik hurt him first, he brought it upon himself.


End file.
